would you still love me if i had this theme?
the divorce papers would hit you so fast that you’d need reconstructive surgery.
i’ve been waiting for this moment for the entire duration of having this url
It’s like how all of them react to a compliment
this really cute
i can’t scroll past this and not reblog
THEY ARE SO CUTE AND BASHFUL SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA PUNCH THEIR CHEEKS
why is there a huge jug of oregano??? who the fuck puts oregano in brownies?????
i like my eyeliner to be as dark as my soul
-you smell different when you’re awake
-please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
-you have lovely skin, I can’t wait to wear it
-your hair tastes like strawberries
-he knows, don’t go home.
-I always knew you would die in my arms
-every time I poop I think of you
-no one will ever believe you
-I killed mufasa
-I bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
-mother told me it would be like this
im glad i dont have a thigh gap i almost dropped my phone into the toilet but i caught it with thunder and lightning
That was so beautiful
so in her lifetime, a woman can lose about ten gallons of blood through her period.
that’s enough blood loss to die twenty times
women are metal as fuck
after my procedure at the hospital today my doctor tried to explain all of the medications he’s putting me on and i was kind of out of it on pain meds and he goes, “and i’m going to be putting you on some serious steroids, do you have any problems with that?”
and apparently i looked at my mom and whispered, “i’ll never play major league baseball” and started crying
Finish this christmas song! Dashing through the
supermarket hurredly, i need to find syrup. i need all the syrup i can buy. enough to fill 4 bathtubs. im going to cover myself in syrup and slide around the ground to acheive maximum velocity. get ready world im coming your way fast